I am a 36 year old single mother of 4 children.  I have struggled with feeling depressed off and on since I was a teenager.  It affects my relationship with my family and friends.  My sister says that I need professional help but I’m afraid that if I tell the counselor that I’m depressed, they will try to take my kids from me. I’m a good mother and I love my children.  But I can’t keep dealing with this on my own.  I’m not sure what to do.  Can you give me some advice?

Let me start by thanking you for taking the time to send in this question. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you need help and to acknowledge your fears about doing so.  I hope that the following information will help you to make a decision about seeking the help that you want and need.

First, it seems to me that you have been the victim of some serious misinformation about the role of mental health providers with regard to parental rights and custody. It is true that mental health service providers are mandated reporters - professionals who are required by law to report suspected child abuse or neglect to the proper authorities.  However, having a diagnosable mental health condition of any kind is not enough evidence to suspect child abuse or neglect.  A mental health provider must have reasonable cause to suspect that a person is causing non- accidental serious injury to a child, such as: physical abuse, sexual abuse, and serious physical neglect as evidenced by prolonged or repeated lack of supervision OR failure to provide a child the essentials of life (i.e. food, water, clothing, shelter).  These are the only circumstances under which a treatment provider would have cause to report you to child protective services (CPS).

Secondly, you are not alone in your fears about seeking treatment.  I have worked with many parents who suffered in silence for years because they were concerned about what people would think or do if they revealed their struggles with mental illness. And while it is true that some people may not understand what you are going through, there is no reason for you to be embarrassed or ashamed.  Mental illness is similar to physical illness in many ways.  Just like a parent with diabetes or hypertension, a parent with depression experiences symptoms that are a direct result of their condition such as fatigue, pain, and irritability.  They many need to talk to a doctor about their symptoms or take medication to feel better.  And most importantly, just like primary care doctors, mental health providers show people how to manage their symptoms better so that they can resume living an active and healthy lifestyle. 

The good news is that depression is treatable!  For most people, medication, therapy, or a combination of both is very helpful for treating depression.  Therefore, my advice to you is to seek professional mental health treatment. Find someone in your local area that you can meet with to talk openly about your symptoms, goals and fears.  If you can’t find someone on your own, don’t give up!  An Adult Advocate at Mental Health America Allegheny County can help. Call (412) 661-7860 to get a referral.

Again, depression is a highly treatable condition.  You do not have to suffer in silence.  You deserve to be emotionally and mentally healthy which will benefit your whole family, especially your children. 

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